* ~ Amyl ~ *

The If Game

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 19:30:09 GMT

If I was a celebrity... I'd never say a word. So many of them have diarrhea of the mouth with all kinds of bullshit spewing out. If I spoke, I know bullshit would come spewing out of mine, too.

You know what's really fun?

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:33:23 GMT

Finding an excuse to browse Sims 2 downloads and then play Sims 2 for school. I have to write a 'character study' on a character I came up with. My excuse for playing Sims 2 is to flesh him out in CAS to get a feel for his looks and personality. So I'm playing Sims 2 for school! HA!

I left a review on Amazon for one of my textbooks. I never have before because I could never really find anything to complain about. They're textbooks, they're not supposed to be interesting, but sooner or later I do find something I enjoy about them. Except for one of my books for Creative writing. It.. It's so.. in my review I described it as the book Satan reads to the inhabitants of Hell as a bedtime story, and I left tag suggestions like 'torture', 'agony' and 'sadism'. It's that bad.

Classroom Antics

Mon, 19 Oct 2009 00:49:16 GMT

On Saturday half of the class gave their article presentations, per our assignment. One woman's article was about the different views on breastfeeding in Mongolia. Apparently they breastfeed extensively there. But at the end of the article when it was question time I asked my classmate if she had children, and how long did they breastfeed. She told me she has a 14 month old, and a 3 1/2 year old, both who breastfeed. I was in such awe. I think that's so wonderful that she still breastfeeds, damn what anyone else thinks. I know there must be people who see her with a 3 1/2 year old suckling away and they're so horrified because OMG BOOBS, but god, it's not like her 3 year old thinks of them in a sexual way. That's where food comes from! That's all they are to a toddler. I want to do that when I pop out kids. I don't know when I'll stop, but I don't want to stop just because other people think a 1 or 2 year old is too old to breastfeed. Of course none of this is etched in stone until I actually have kids, but this is what I would like to do.

6!?

Sat, 17 Oct 2009 02:24:32 GMT

Six months already.

I love you, sweetheart :3

Weird and proud of it!

Thu, 15 Oct 2009 22:44:55 GMT

In Creative Writing, we had to talk about some random thought we had during the week. The assignment was more or less to fess up if we had thoughts of robbing a bank or if we wondered if the planet would get hit by an asteroid. The bonus was that three students would get "Weird and Proud of It" extra points for having the most readable, entertaining ideas.

I got extra points~

This is what I said:

"It's actually a series of thoughts I entertain whenever I forget to take the trash out when the sun is out. When it's dark out, everything automatically turns spooky. I take the trash out through the garage, which doesn't bother me during the day. But when it's night, I'm afraid there's going to be a chupacabra in the garage, and it's going to launch itself at me. It's specifically a chubacabra that I'm afraid will be in the garage. Not a mean dog or anything else.

Once I've gotten out of the way of the chupacabra, I have to walk down the driveway, between the two minivans parked there. My fear of the driveway is that there is a maniac with a knife hiding under the minivan to my right. When I pass between the vehicles, I'm scared he will reach out with his knife and slice my Achilles tendon. I have to run between the vans, then run back between them to get back into the garage, then run to get away from the chupacabra.

That's why I take the trash out when the sun is up.

Another odd recurring thought/fear I have involves nights where everything is covered in snow so that the moonlight reflects off it and makes everything glow. In this fear/thought, I'm scared that when I look out into the backyard with the porch lights off, I will see a Bigfoot with glowing eyes passing through the yard. He won't be doing anything, just passing by. And yet I'm scared I will see that when I look out. And on any given night I hate looking out dark windows for fear someone will be in the yard and they'll smack themselves against the window.

They're all really oddly specific. With the knife-wielding maniac, for instance, I'm afraid he'll be under only one minivan. I never suspect the other van. And the Bigfoot has glowing eyes. I was once asked if I'd still be scared if I saw a Bigfoot without glowing eyes, but I don't know. I'm afraid of the glowing eyes Bigfoot, I can't say I'd feel the same about a non-glowing eyes Bigfoot."

Tru fax. I'm so fucking happy I got "Weird and Proud of It" points. xD

Metric

Tue, 13 Oct 2009 21:40:14 GMT

Doing Metric conversions in math today. They're basic, yeah, but I'm having absolutely zero trouble with it. Metric agrees with me, I guess.

Now that I've said it's easy I'm gonna bomb in the next section.

Wed, 30 Sep 2009 08:32:47 GMT

Had another baking fuck-up. I was making zucchini-carrot muffins and forgot to add the baking soda, and didn't realize that carrots aren't as wet as zucchini, so there wasn't enough moisture in the batter. The first batch was already in the oven by the time I realized I forgot the baking soda, but they weren't cooked yet, so I pulled them out, scraped the batter into the bowl, added baking soda, and put them back in. They came out chewy with the unmistakable taste of baking soda tainting them. Some bites were particularly strong. I don't really want to eat any of the muffins.

And in lieu of whining about my life and where it's going and etc.: fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck god fucking dammit..

I wish that had helped.

Wonderful

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 08:10:48 GMT

My parents have been divorced since I was 8. It's been 14 years. Everclear released their song "Wonderful" in 2000. You'd think.. 14 years after the divorce I'd be able to listen to that song without crying. But it still does. It made me cry in 2000, and it makes me cry now.

I identify far too much with the child in the song.. I suppose most kids going through a divorce experience the same feelings, but that just makes it worse, that it sounds so much like what I went through.

Maybe someday I'll be completely over it.

Oatmeal cranberry scones

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 02:39:01 GMT

I had my first baking mishap today. 'Mishap', if you consider slighly-dry scones a mishap. I know exactly what I did wrong, though. I made scones before, blueberry streusel scones, and they turned out wonderfully. I decided to use the same recipe, but I used oats and cranberries instead, and left out the streusel because cranberries are sweet enough. The recipe calls for 1/2 cup of heavy cream (fuck that, I use soymilk), so I added it in and stirred it up, not realizing that the oats would soak up the moisture. I needed more moisture, possibly at least a full cup of soymilk. Ah well, it's my first baking mistake since I started.

Next up, my first cake: carrot cake.

I'm getting in deep. I now look longingly at the cooling racks for sale in stores. Cooling racks. I'm using the racks from my toaster oven. And I went to a cookware shop yesterday, a local place called Sparrowhawk, and I just about lost it, wandering around and cooing over all the cool little utensils and aprons that had matching oven mitts and hand towels. I got new oven mitts and I am very excited about them, but clearly I am the only one who is excited. xD

Also I went to Target today and bought a $30 dress for $7.48. It was marked on sale for around $20, which I was willing to spend for it, but then my total at the register was $10. AWESOME. The extra money on the bill was for two sheets of Hello Kitty stickers. I think this dress is my new favorite piece of clothing, it's sooo comfy~

Almost-Birthday

Fri, 21 Aug 2009 04:09:51 GMT

My birthday is on monday. I'll be 22. Of course I don't know until it actually happens, but 22 doesn't sound as traumatizing as 21 sounded to me when I was just 20. Maybe it's the milestone that 21 is that horrified me. 18 was awful because I was then a legal adult, 20 was painful because I was no longer a teenager, 21 was bad because then I was old enough to drink. But the idea of 22 doesn't sound as awful as it felt to turn 18, 20, and 21.

Maybe it's okay because nobody ever thinks I'm 21. I'm 21/22 in age alone. In appearance I seem to run the gamut from 12-16. Someone actually mistook me as younger than my 13 year old sister. Yeah, that must be why I'm alright with it. Or maybe it's because 22 is no huge milestone. I think 25 will be rough. 30.. Well, I don't know how that'll go until I'm closer to it. I don't need to think about turning 30 anyway, I'm turning 22.

My grandparents sent me a $100 gift card for my birthday but they seem to have forgotten about my sister, whose birthday was in June. June is long gone, and she hasn't gotten anything. It'd be understandable if I didn't get anything, I'm an adult. Nobody has to give me presents, but my sister turned 13. I don't know what happened. That's fucked, though. My grandparents might come to Colorado Springs in early October, if they do they said we might do early Christmas shopping. So if they do come then they can fix their mistake and just blow a huge wad of cash on my sister. I don't want to tell my sister about my gift card, I don't want to upset her. It's not fair that I got something and our grandparents forgot about her.

If they do come I want the set of three ladybug mixing bowls from Target~

Scholarship nightmares

Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:38:43 GMT

I had a dream I was filling out scholarship applications. Um.. Maybe I've been spending a little too much time on that.. But I feel guilty if I don't spend all my time on applying for scholarships.

On an unrelated note I made pumpkin scones last night and as of this morning there are two left out of the sixteen I made. I would call that successful.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 17:49:51 GMT

What the fuck is with all the scholarships available only to minority and Hispanic students? I don't care about the scholarship for tall people, that's fine. But scholarships available only to Hispanic students is fucking wrong. I need the money just as badly as they do.

Fuuuck.

Ah shit.

Mon, 17 Aug 2009 02:08:40 GMT

Omg it's a not-angsty entry!

Sooo on the Food Network I was faithfully tuning in to watch The Next Food Network Star, and I was happily rooting for Melissa, and hooray, Melissa won! So she gets her own show on Food Network, which is awesome. And for the past two weeks I have been missing her show because it's on at like 11 am on Sunday. I'm still asleep at 11 am because it's Sunday, and like half of America is still at church. What in the hell, are they trying to make her fail? Ugh. I need to wake up early specifically to watch her. xD

Holy shit..

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 22:17:51 GMT

Just when I thought everything stressful was crashing down around me all at once, it all works out. God damn.

To start at the beginning: Last week I finished a speedy summer math class, MAT030, or "Stupid Math". By the time I was finished I didn't realize there was one week until the Fall semester began. I had no plans for my classes, and no books, and a very complex class situation going on. I've finished almost everything except Math and Science. I can't do any science classes until I pass MAT120, and I can't pass MAT120 until I pass MAT090, which I can't register for until I either pass MAT060, or test past MAT060. MAT030, 060, and 090 don't count toward my degree, only 120. And MAT120 is a prerequisite for every Science class. So I was left with picking out a few electives and going on with the next math class, MAT060.

At the same time.. My adviser is not giving me any real advice, my college credit account has $900 left, my mother's aunt, who has been SAINTLY enough to fund my entire college education thus far, has been unable to send more money because of the economy, which I totally don't blame her for, I'm just grateful she's kind enough to send me all this money. She doesn't have to, but she does, and it's thanks to her I've gotten this far. But because of the economy she can't send anymore, and my FAFSA has been screwed up for awhile because somehow, someone got the idea that I have a Bachelor's degree, which makes me ineligible for FAFSA. So that needs to be redone at some point in time.

To recap: I need to complete three separate math classes to get into the required math class that will give me credits for my math requirement, and make me eligible for Science classes. I am on Step #2 of the math classes. Everything else is finished except for a few electives, and when I called my adviser asking which electives I could take, she pointed me to the school's website which had a shortened list of electives. Useless.

Finally, all this shit took a turn for the better. I found a MAT060 class that requires the book I bought for my summer class, which means I have one less textbook to pay for. Not only that, but two of the electives I picked, Philosophy 115 and 116 use the same textbook that I bought like two semesters ago for my Comparative Religion class. Another textbook down! AND, none of these classes start on the 17th, like I thought they did. My soonest class starts the 21st, the others start on the 31st. WHEW. So I get to save some money on textbooks, and I get a breather in between my classes. This helps the money situation a little, which is good. My mother's aunt will send more money in October I'm told, but in the meantime, I'm going to start looking at scholarships.

One of the scholarship questions was my sexual orientation. There were so many weird questions. One was a question about club association or something, and one of the clubs was 'The Association of Blind Athletes'. Wtf. xD

I. Feel. so. Much. Better.

EDIT.

Alright, I dropped my religion classes. I replaced them with a creative writing class and a Social Psychology class. Buuut my creative writing class doesn't require a book, so my book situation is pretty much the same. Awesome~

Food poisoning

Sun, 09 Aug 2009 03:42:57 GMT

Those with sensitive stomachs need not click the cut.

Shit, man. So I went to the Farmer's Market this morning with my mom to pick out zucchini for zucchini muffins (which I intended to make today, but didn't get around to since I'm sick), and while we were standing around I noticed I was feeling woozy, but I'm so sensitive to heat, so I decided it was just because of the heat and I'd be fine once I was in the car and there was cool wind blowing on me. After we dropped off the zucchini back home (who wants wilty zucchini?) we headed off to Old Town Colorado, and this is where stuff started to go downhill. When we got there, there was an event going on so we had to park a bit far away and walk. I wasn't walking for long before I noticed I was starting to breath heavy, and I was walking slower. I told my mom I had to stop and sit, and I plopped down in the shade, feeling so sick and nauseous. I was actually trembling, and sort of gagged a little. Nasty. After I went to the bathroom we decided I had to go home, so as we walked back to the car I started to get a little worse. I had to stop once and sit in the shade again, then we crossed the street and finally I fell to my knees, gagged, and puked. At least I hadn't eaten much, so it wasn't terribly, uh.. textured. What I think it funny is that I threw up in the gutter in front of a church. My sister thought that was hilarious too.

I think it was the Jack in The Box fries I had. I haven't eaten those in years, ranch dressing either, so I think the chemicals in the dressing and the fries were just too much. That or the dinner mints. Or the combination of dinner mints and fries. God, I ate a bunch of shit yesterday, didn't I? No wonder my body rebelled.

I used to prefer heat over cold, probably just because heat was all I knew (19 years in Phoenix will do that to a person), but I think I'm switching. Of course I don't like frigid, freezing cold, but the heat is what made me really aware that something was wrong, and when I got home I turned on the A/C and felt better.

Oxymoron

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 23:09:48 GMT

Alzheimer's Memory Walk.

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 23:58:13 GMT

My mom left awhile ago, heading to Denver for a health screening. She wants to join the Air Force, because her current job is not heading toward retirement, and the Air Force will. But if she's accepted, she'll have to go off somewhere for training, leaving me in charge of my sister. I know lots of people are already off on their own by my age, but they're different. They were ready. I don't know if I'm ready. I'm scared, but I don't want to stand in her way. I want her to be able to retire someday, I don't want to mess that up for her just because I'm a little scared to be on my own, in charge of my sister.

It wouldn't be all bad, though. I'd still be living in this house, my mom would still be paying bills and things, I'd just be the only responsible figure in the house. I'm still nervous about it though.

Fuck it all..

Sun, 12 Jul 2009 09:11:18 GMT

I'm trying to sleep but all I can think about is my fucking jury duty on monday. I've never been before but from what I hear it's miserable. What really pisses me off is that I don't have a license/car but I still have to go. That makes it so fucking difficult. My mom doesn't have to go into work on Mondays until about 2 pm so she can get me there but if I'm kept past that time, I either get to figure out a bus route home or stay downtown until she gets off. Neither option is terribly pleasant to me. I cannot express how much I hate the bus. I am so scared of it. No matter who I ask or how well I plan my route, I swear I always end up lost. Downtown Colorado Springs is fun and all but I don't wanna be there for hours and hours. Ugh, this shit is keeping me up. Why can't they draw jury duty according to vehicle registration? That way they'd know for damn certain everyone can get there. Fuck.

EDIT:

HA I was there for 3 1/2 hours and then I was dismissed! Also, I tried bubble tea for the first time today. Oh my god it's amazing. I love the little boba balls~

Gaia profiles

Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:36:21 GMT

I was just browsing Gaia and went into some thread, posted a bit, then looked at the OP's profile out of curiosity. This girl is 18 years old, she's 7 months pregnant, and has been with the baby daddy, 19 years old, since November 2008. Maybe I'm just a pessimist, but I winced when I saw all this because all I could think was, "This is gonna fucking FAIL."

That is all.

Commercial say what?

Tue, 07 Jul 2009 22:00:10 GMT

Okay, so I just saw a Wal-Mart commercial. Like a lot of commercials lately it mentioned our shit economy, and then proceeded to show a mother dropping her son off at college. It boo-hooed about saving money at Wal-Mart and furnishing this guy's dorm room for $300. So, let us recap. The commercial reminds us the economy is bad. We can remedy this by sending our children to expensive-as-hell university, then dish out $300 more at Wal-Mart.

I don't know, it made me raise a brow. Didn't make much sense to me, particularly since the cost of university is going up.

F.U., Insomnia.

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 09:02:58 GMT

I'm sleepy, but I can't sleep. I'd work on a story or something but I'm too tired to think coherent thoughts. I need a brain switch so I can just turn my brain off.

..Seriously.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 04:18:27 GMT

I cannot be the only bitch in the world who doesn't give a crap about Billy Mays dying. I hated him, he was an assault on my ears, it sucks for his family that he's dead, I just hope this brings an end to his commercials. I also hope Oxi Clean picks a new spokesman who doesn't scream at potential customers. It's fucking annoying, not convincing.

MISHEARD LYRICS

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 02:21:10 GMT

"Slave to the Grind" by Skid Row

Original lyrics - "You better mark my words 'cause I'm history, yes indeed"

Misheard lyrics - "You better mark my words 'cause I masturbate, yes indeed"

Doubt me? Listen for yourself.

Skid Row - Slave to the Grind

Fast forward to about 1:36 and tell me what you hear.

Writer's Block: When I Was Young

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 04:14:58 GMT

What do you miss most about being a kid?

Submitted By daeinleyof

View 502 Answers

Everything. I miss the innocence, the freedom, the amazement I still had with everything and everyone in the world, how I still had faith in humans, how I thought tomorrow would never come, how I thought school was the most horrible thing ever. I miss climbing trees and no responsibility and playing before, during and after school. I miss Barbie, Ariel, and thinking that $10 was a lot of money. I miss faking being sick to skip school then spending the day watching cartoon movies, I miss lying to my Christian day care teacher about made up problems or concerns so I would be included in the daily prayer, I miss having no idea what was going on in the world because it didn't apply to me. I miss not caring about my weight or what my body looks like, I miss not caring about relationships, I miss not being mental, paranoid, sleep-deprived, insecure about where I am now and where I feel like I need to be or should be, I miss thinking birthdays and Christmas were too far away and never came soon enough. I miss everything from when I was a kid. I never wanted to grow up like other kids did. I was happy where I was. I liked who I was. And I'm not happy now.

Mushy meme time!

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 06:13:17 GMT

Stole this from hallo_katzchen.

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

:>